As we left the jr high on Monday, there were a bunch of kids checking out of school. Most of them ended up at our house. They were so cute for a long time. They sat around our dining room table and talked about what they loved most about Addy. Mike filmed it on his iPhone. One mom brought pizza, soda, treats, etc. Her name is Megan Parrish and she is awesome! After about 3hours, the kids got restless and started to get a little crazy. I walked in on one girl pouring soda out on our kitchen table. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was dared by someone.....I told her she now got to clean it up off the table, chair and floor. Multiple warnings and then after seeing Sydney's face and how worn out and upset she looked, I asked her if she was done having everyone there. She said yes! That they turned it into a party and that's not why they were supposed to be here.
So, Megan Parrish offered to have the kids come to her house. A bunch went there, but others went to their own homes. The 'party' dispersed pretty quickly and Sydney needed her down time. We discussed that she needed a secret word that when we heard it we knew she needed out of a situation, change of venue or wanted to stop talking to someone. It worked great after that. Later, Mike and I talked about how we needed to put our grief on the back burner and protect our child. We needed to be her strength and rock and to let her out of situations she didn't want to be in. There were so, so, so many wonderful loving neighbors and friends that were calling and wanting to see her and she just wanted to be alone with us. It was hard. But we had to protect her. Eventually, on her own schedule, she would see people...but it was on her time. Mike & I continued to get tons of texts and phone calls. Mike tried to go to work and Kevin (his boss) sent him home.
On Tuesday, Sydney stayed home from school. I went to Nicole's to get my hair done. Sydney, who had seen Liz and the Clingers on Monday, said that Liz wanted us to go with her to pick out Addy's burial dress. We thought it was Wednesday. About half way through my hair, I got a text saying it was today (Tuesday) and asking if we were coming. Yikes! So I woke up Sydney and Nicole rinsed out my hair and I ran home. We got over to the house where they Clingers were staying in record time. Morgan & Marcie and Sage & her mom, Michelle, were there as well as Addy's aunt Missy and the grandma and her sister Trinity. Missy pulled me aside and said the family was getting some necklaces made with Addy's favorite saying: Let your Faith be bigger than your Fear and wondered if Sydney wanted one. They were only offering to Sydney. I said of course! She told me that place where they ordered them from and I let Mike know. It was in Bountiful, so he stopped by and ordered Sydney a necklace. Then, he looked at some necklaces for Sydney to give her from us...her parents. And then in true Mike fashion, he paid for the Clinger's family necklaces.
It was nice to be there with Liz and the family. The girls helped her pick a beautiful dress. Then, the 3 girls went and picked out matching dresses to wear to the funeral. Liz had asked the girls earlier that day if they wanted to speak at the funeral. All 3 said yes....
A day later the 3 girls would go shop for matching shoes and hair bows. It was very sweet.
I can't remember what we did on Wednesday, but Sydney did go with the Clingers everyday. It was good therapy for her. Marcie ordered the funeral spray at the top of the page from the 3 girls. Bright beautiful colors that Addy loved. I had a mom from the jr high cheerleaders call and ask me what was Addy's favorite color so the cheerleaders could wear that color at the game that night. I asked Sydney and she said Addy didn't have one favorite color, but she loved bright neon colors. So, bright neon colored ribbons began showing up everywhere. At the jr high, the ball players shoelaces, all throughout the Clingers neighborhood. And the balloons that we launched after the funeral. Beautiful! The wind was blowing and blew them very quickly up over the cemetery which is about 2 or 3 miles east from the Stake Center.
Flowers from Nielsens, Steve & Hillary and....oh my brain cramp! I keep forgetting....I'll fix this once I remember.
The girls before the funeral all matchy matchy. Sydney's eyes not as bright as usual. The sadness shows through in these pictures for me....
Matching hair!
We got to the private viewing on Friday before the Clingers even! Liz said we could have some private time with Addy if we wanted. We of course waited until the family had come and spend the time they needed....then they walked us in and we chatted with the family and before we knew it it was our family alone in the room with Addy. The whole had been very spiritual and that moment was very sacred to us. We know Addy was near and we told her we have a missing part of our family now and that we love her among other things. Very tender.
The viewing was packed! Long long lines and many amazing people from around the town. We knew a ton of them. I was sitting watching the video and would see a bunch of people before they reached the family. Soon, I had to leave. Mike & I sat out in the hall. Still saw a lot of people, but it was better. Marcie & Michelle took the girls to go get shakes at Arctic Circle. Mike & I were supposed to go, but got talking to people. The above picture was drawn by Chad Hawkins. He is a famous church artist and recently moved into our neighborhood. He was talking about drawing the picture and how emotional it was. Sydney is sitting at the top of the friends....and this picture is hanging in the Clingers home now. I love it. Below is Sydney's talk from the funeral. I was AMAZED at how well she did! Seeing that just a few months earlier she gave her first talk in Sacrament meeting and had a major panic attack. She almost didn't do it. And this venue was 3 times the size. The entire stake center was PACKED. yet, she delivered this talk without stumbling, crying and even got some laughs. She amazed both Mike & me that day.
This is a song all the girls sang with the YW in Addy's ward. A song written for her by Amy Webb. I put it here just so we always have it.
At the gravesite, it was crowded and hard. The worse part was all the kids who weren't really close friends with Addy according to Sydney and they started taking flowers from the arrangements. Only Sydney, Morgan and Sage were supposed to take flowers as well as Addy's cousins. There were coins from the top of her vault they all got . Well, when the service was over, these kids from school started pillaging the arrangements, including the one from Sydney, Morgan and Sage.
It really upset Sydney. We tried to tell her it didn't matter now and that we would visit the grave soon.
We went back to the stake center where we had lunch, lots of conversation, met Scott Allen who as a child was wrestling with his brother and grabbed a nearby rifle, not knowing it was loaded and killed his brother. He doesn't know the Clingers, but when he heard about it, drove from Colorado so that he could be there to offer support to the Clingers and more specifically, Victoria. Probably the only person that will ever know exactly how she feels. Tender mercy for sure.
I want to find the news articles that mention Sydney and will post them soon. There was so much more that went on during that week but it probably won't get recorded here. It has been a long hard process and there are days when Sydney breaks down and I have broken down too. We have stayed super close with the Clingers and Morgan's family and try to meet most Sundays as the girls seem to do better if they see the Clingers at least once a week. That term at school was really hard, but most of Sydney's teachers were so good to work with. As I find other pictures I will add them. I know of some of the times we have visited her grave. Sydney also changed the Christmas tree in her room to one for Addy and it's still up. There are many many pictures of the two of them all in her room. Luckily, she has a great group of friends who get together at least once a weekend. She looks forward to that and being a normal teenager. She loves being out and with friends, so it's the times when she's home and bored that start to get really hard. The Clingers continue to amaze us with their caring for others. And an amazing blessing that has come through this is that Sydney and I are closer than we have ever been.
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